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Dedicated to the memory of my “Moma” the one who raised me...



She always told me ”to do the best that you can, and be the best at what you do”. I regard her as a very talented woman who supported me in anything that I set my mind to do, because she believed in me, she encouraged me. I have directed my hopes towards that goal...

I still miss her and I thought that the pain of losing her was unbearable, but the devastating sorrow of losing my husband was set upon a totally different set of terms.

 On September 13, 1986, it was a beautiful day of blue skies and white fluffy clouds and it was then that I married my best friend (although together for a total of 34 years), we were married for 24 years, 12 days and a few hours. 
At 8 p.m. on September 25, 2010, I lost the love of my life and with him, most of my heart. I now truly understand the meaning of "8. and the two shall become as one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Mark 10:8-9.
Me being the Artist, my husband was my most relied upon confidant and baby critic. It has been so hard to focus on any given thing at one time, multitasking is still simply out of the question. Most times I couldn't stand what was overwhelming me, but I know that he would have wanted me to get back to work and continue with the art that I love.


Dedicated to the Loving Memory

                                   of my best friend,

                                               soul mate,

                                                       husband

                                                             my forever love

He was my best friend and soul mate. He loved life, people and traveling. He fought so hard to stay as long as he did, but after 13 years and 4 months his poor body fought back. Finally he gave up and oddly, he ended up being buried on my birthday. That year, for the first time, he never asked me what I wanted for my birthday and now I understand the why. He earned his peace and paid his dues to receive his crown. I miss him more than any words can say.

 

Our last photo together    Never knew that wave would be with me forever...

I struggled through the first, the second and the third year! I kid you not, it's been pure hell. If you have recently lost a dear loved one, believe me it will be the hardest, blurriest and darkest time of your life. We always did things, shared things, and dreamed of things together. I crawled and cried  through mine without a doubt. The nights are by far the worse and the loneliness is pure ugliness. It will emotionally tear you apart. It hurts like crazy, because half of you dies with the loss of the other.

Then the grief you carry slowly crushes you beneath its unbearable weight, you feel yourself sinking into an incomprehensible numbness. You hear its powerful roar in your broken heart as you feel it's razor sharp teeth of sorrow ripping you apart piece by piece, minute by minute and second by second, leaving you with only an emptiness that is immeasurable. Your only goal is to make it through the day; breath by breath, day by day.

Just remember you are not alone in your sorrow, nor your heartache...lean hard upon your faith and put your trust in the Lord. Why? This came to me at my most painful and darkest time, the feeling of giving up; "Prayer in earnest is swift and strong". I do know that God does not abandon us and he speaks to us in our darkest hours. Even when we want to think that he has left, he's right there mending our broken hearts, healing our sad spirits and leading us back to the light of life. I've had to remind myself of this constantly and it’s not an easy task. Sometimes the lives we know are cut short, but always precious in the time that we shared. My heart is still broken into many tiny pieces, but I knew that we were always meant to be. I am confident that I will see him again one day.

Music soothes the soul and these are just a of the few songs have helped me to heal...
You can find all of these inspirational songs of devotion on youtube (or just click on their name) and more.

Tamala Mann "Take Me to the King"

Kirk Franklin "Something about the name JESUS"

Douglas Miller "My Soul Is Anchored in the Lord"

Whatever you are going through, I hope that you can receive the same enjoyable blessings that I have just hearing their beautiful voices.


A few good books I'd like to share with you. Maybe you can try to read when dealing with grief or know of someone that is. It was a struggle, but I still made myself read them. It made me know for certain that I was not going crazy or losing my mind. These books also help you to understand what makes absolutely no sense to you at that very point in your life and as to how your life does a 360 degree turn in the blink of an eye:

When will I stop hurting
by June Cerza Kolf

Grieving a Soulmate
by Robert Orfali

Widowed
by Dr. Joyce Brothers

How to go on living when someone you love dies
by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D

(This book covers all form of losses; spouse, parents, siblings, children, etc.)
When there are no Words
by Charlie Walton

(Another very good one)
grieving mindfully
by Sameet M. Kumar, PH.D.

You can find these online at Amazon.com at a very reasonable price.

Please take time to Sign my Guest Book for Tommie my husband. I would appreciate this act of kindness so much!

Use your back button to return. Thank you!

Mentioning the sorrow, what about those people that don't know the right thing to say

or they simply say the wrong thing...or worse, they over simplify our grief...I just say, walk in my shoes.
 

Visit Grief Support at LegacyConnect

http://www.legacy.com

Another year has come and gone lonesome dove...until I see you again Tom-Tom


You have to grieve, before you can mourn your loss. It's a process, from which none are exempt.
I have also learned that you never get over it, but you will get through it.

 



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